oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
