a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
