Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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