Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
