I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
