If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
