I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
