She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
