sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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