I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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