remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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