do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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