who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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