I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
