What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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