I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
