i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
