Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
