wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
