Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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