youre lurking in front of me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
