But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
