I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
