when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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