watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
