do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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