no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
