I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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