she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
