I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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