Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
