I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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