Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
People in love make me want to vomit
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
