im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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