EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
