we made out on top of his cat.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
