I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
