i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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