eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
