Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
