no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
