I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
