I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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