the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
