Please, let me fuck your mom
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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