i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize