So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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