the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
