You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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