We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
