Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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