i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
