I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
