So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You can't special order awesome
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
