I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
