Yo dont text me then not text me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
