I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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