i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
