He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize