hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All the doctor said was why
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
