i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
