So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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