Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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