sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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