Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
