just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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