Cold hands, warm shart.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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