They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
