you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
