Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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