I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
