i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
