he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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