Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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