Your face is a jimmy john
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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