You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
