They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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